I love yoga. I do social media work for a yoga studio (in exchange for free classes!). I want to get certified to teach yoga in the next few years. There’s nothing like feeling your muscles lengthen and pull taut underneath your skin, and making you realize that these pieces of flesh are what keep you moving every single second of every day. Yet, I still haven’t been to my home studio or any others in two months, much less have I practiced for an extended amount of time at home, give an occasional targeted stretch here or there.
It has nothing to do with the studios, the teachers, or even my level of lethargy. It’s that my brain is going 100 miles an hour now that I’ve moved on from a job that sucked so much out of me mentally and emotionally that my life feels completely recharged now. I have ideas racing in my head so quickly that it’s hard tog et them all out and onto a paper or in an email to myself before they get lost among the other ones. I can’t get myself psyched up (or zenned out) enough to contemplate getting lost in the emptiness of the mat for ten minutes at this point, let alone an hour. I love this juicy creativeness that’s just bursting out of me, and believe me it’s getting utilized a lot more than it feels like it has in the past two or three years.
I am writing a lot, doing guest posts for other blogs, experimenting in the kitchen, keeping a long list of ideas to pitch to local publications, and I am even starting to write some of those articles to pitch. I feel the itch to write a book again (a semi fictional story based on true events that happened to someone I know, to start off). It’s glorious, it really is.
But still, I love the quiet that a good yoga class brings. I love physical quietness and also the radio silence that takes place in between my ears as I take yoga time to have no other thoughts than the ones that are about my present being: “This stretch feels great on my hamstring” or “Lift your arm just a little bit higher.” I feel guilt against myself, and yearning to start doing yoga again but I don’t want to end up with millions of thoughts pinging around in my head while on the mat and regretting the time spent essentially, trying to get away from myself and all of the good things spilling out from my imagination.
With the months rolling by so quickly that I can barely keep up with the pages on the calendar this year, it’s hard not to want to pour everything I have into everything I want but it’s times like this when I realize that it’s up to me to set this circus down and enjoy a few peaceful minutes to gear up even more rested and ready for the adventures that I’m going to make for myself, with freshly limbered up muscles.