It’s Valentine’s Day, the day of love, the day you’ve been waiting for so you are no longer subjected to any more posts about aphrodisiac foods and sinfully rich chocolatey desserts that you’ll never make because your piping skills are on par with those of a second grader.

Not that I’m a bitter Valentine’s hating old crank by any means (why hate a holiday that glorifies the color pink?), but as an antithesis to such frivolity (ha) I’ve put together a list of anaphrodisiac foods to gross out, depress, and desexualize your Valentine!

  • Cornflakes and graham crackers – both invented as bland, dry foods to keep your ahem, ambitions at bay.
  • Soy – probably not legitimate, but borne because some people claim soy decreases testosterone.
  • Cilantro– I can’t find any research online to support this, must be an urban myth.
  • Garlic – the best known breath stanking food around.Peel away.
  • Licorice– black stained teeth and gums are never give off a come hither look.
  • Mint– think twice before you pop that breath mint to impress your date! I can’t find science behind this claim either, so just keep it in mind but don’t put much stock into it.

On a completely opposite and much more loving note- check out my cute and definitely different Valentine’s surprise!

Patrick sent the Richland County Regulators to give me a flower, candy and a Valentine’s message of noodle-esque love! Thank you noodle! Guess I better make sure my surprise